My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer about a month ago. It was a total shock, as it was discovered in her routine annual mammogram. She went in for her yearly check up on a Friday, the following Monday I was taking her to the Women’s Health Center for a biopsy, and a few days after that we met with her OB/GYN to get the biopsy results. A week after that she was in surgery. We went from never really thinking about this stuff to her having cancer in a period of about 90 minutes. There is no training for how to deal with this. There is also no training on how to deal with friends that are dealing with this.

One thing I’ve noticed is the difference in how my wife’s friends and my friends are dealing with the knowledge that she has breast cancer. Her phone pretty much beeps, buzzes, and rings from sunup until bedtime. Her friends, both local and far flung sorority sisters she hasn’t seen in person in 25 years, check in with her constantly to see how she is doing, and just to let her know they are thinking about her. Prior to this post, I’d told probably two dozen people that my wife has cancer, all but one of them guys. Neither of us has made any sort of public announcement, until now. The woman, and exactly two of the guys, have checked back in with me since the initial conversation.

I’m not trying to imply that guys care less. I’m not complaining about my friends. I have no doubt that if I messaged any of them about needing something they would jump on it immediately. We are middle age. My wife and I had kids young and thus we are empty nesters. Most of our friends still have kids at home, and we are all in the prime earning years in our careers. Everybody is busy, and nobody has enough time for their own families, let alone extra cycles for our problems. We are at that age where health problems start to become more real, but not old enough that we all have several cycles of experience dealing with this stuff. I don’t want to get into a debate about women versus men and compassion and sympathy, or gender roles and expectations. I’m sure all that plays a role here. I’m also sure the fear of a “How is she doing?” text being answered with bad news is real. People probably think I’ve got enough to deal with, and don’t have time to be fielding update inquiries. Four weeks ago I’m pretty sure I would have had all those same thoughts.

With my wife fighting cancer, I feel like my job is to be the emotional rock for her to lean on. I’m Mr. Positive Mental Attitude, you are going to beat this, you are stronger than this cancer, etc. Any of you that know me in real life know that Mr. PMA is not my natural state. I’ve joked that staying so positive is mentally draining. I wasn’t actually joking about that. It is draining, especially when combined with trying to focus on my job 40+ hours per work, and the other stresses that real life tends to throw at us, often at the most inopportune times. I’m also doing all of this on less than ideal sleep, as I really haven’t had a decent night’s sleep since the diagnosis. Of course, none of that compares to the pressure my wife is under.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you know somebody that is supporting a partner or other loved one fighting cancer or some other crisis, go ahead and send the text or make the call asking how it’s going. If that person is local to you meet them out for a burger and a beer. They need it, they’ll appreciate it, and since guys are trained their entire lives to not let emotions make decisions for us, they probably aren’t going to tell you they need it.

And as long as I’m telling people what to do, if your partner isn’t getting her annual mammogram, insist that she does. My wife’s mammogram didn’t look that unusual. The breast surgeon said she wouldn’t have flagged it if she was looking at it in a vacuum. However, the software analysis that compared the image to last year’s image did see an an unexpected change, and it was that flag that set in motion the events that led to the diagnosis. Without annual testing we wouldn’t know she has cancer. She has no symptoms.

Because of the early diagnosis odds are good this story will have a happy ending. If “You don’t actually have cancer” is the best diagnosis, my wife’s diagnosis is probably second or third on the list of things you want to hear when you have breast cancer. This also means that friend of yours whose wife or sister is battling cancer right now probably needs that text or call way more than I ever did.

So do it. Now.

(cross posted to Medium

In the storied 20 year history of ODonnellWeb we have never endorsed a candidate for any office. However, the events of 2016 leave us no choice but to endorse Hillary Clinton for President. The simple fact is that she is the only one running even remo…

This is the first in what I hope will be a somewhat regular (3X a week?) series of quick blog posts about whatever I’m thinking about. A few years ago I decided to make my blog a repository for longer writing, and now I’m changing my mind and making a…

I read a few good ones this summer.
Travels With Charley by John Steinbeck
Yes, it’s a classic and I should have read it years ago. I enjoyed it, although I think Steinbeck made a lot of it up from the comfort of a hotel room on his travels.
Carpet Die…

The Best Places for Photos in Las Vegas

As many of the pros will tell you, “Cities can be tough to shoot even for experienced photographers.” Often you’ll have to use your wide-angle lens to capture large subjects or when there’s limited space, making adjustments to the ISO, and much more. Also, some cities seem to be more difficult than others when finding that money-making shot, though if there was one city that had an endless number of photo opportunities, it would be Las Vegas.

The gambling hub hardly seems like a mecca for photographers, given that its main attraction are undoubtedly its bustling the casinos. Ever since online portals began offering enhanced VIP experiences comparable to the exclusive gaming opportunities proposed by their brick and mortar counterparts, the Las Vegas experience has diversified with more entertainment options than we can possibly imagine. And while the competition from its digital counterparts has been tough for Vegas’s land-based casinos, it hasn’t changed Sin City’s ability to wow people with its bright flashing lights, astounding architecture, and replicas of world famous monuments – the ideal backdrop and subject for an amazing photograph.

In all honestly, every square foot of Las Vegas is potentially a great place to snap some photos, but the ones listed below will guarantee that perfect shot.

Sunrise Mountain

For a breathtaking view of the entire Valley, hike up Sunrise Mountain. Just as the name implies, this peak is the best spot for sunrises and sunsets that make the journey up to the mountain every bit worth while. Your two options of getting there are heading to the Frenchman mountain pass and taking Lake Mead Boulevard, or you can park at the Albertsons Supermarket on East Lake Mead Boulevard and then hike from there.

Stratosphere Tower Observation Deck

It’s a bit of a trek to head up to the mountaintop, so if you’re not up for the challenge, there’s always the Stratosphere Tower Observation Deck. As the highest point in the Valley, you’ll get a full 360-degree view of the city for just $20 (or $12 if you are a local). It undoubtedly offers one of the best views of the Strip, and it’s been recommended that you visit at dusk or dawn.

The Balcony at Hyde Bellagio

The Bellagio Fountains is one of the most popular photo ops on the Strip, but if you want a more intimate view of the water, the balcony at Hyde Bellagio takes you to what seems to be the center of the lake. The romantic setting of the balcony with the misty background from the water is an excellent spot for selfies and many other different kinds of memorable photos.

I’d feel guilty about not writing here for four months, but it’s not like I have any readers left to notice. If you are reading this leave a comment here, or on Facebook or Twitter, just so I know somebody still visits this blog.
August 19th was my 25…

I can’t claim to be a big Bruce fan, and in fact Born in the USA may be the only Bruce album I’ve ever owned. I do appreciate his music a lot more now that I’m older, and I probably should revisit his catalog. Anyway, I was thinking about the parallels between that song, and the way we approach Memorial Day in general here in the USA.

It’s no secret that if you go poll 100 random citizens a good percentage can not tell you what this day is about. We are not celebrating Veterans, we are not celebrating wars we’ve won, we are not celebrating 50% off sales on furniture, we are not celebrating anything. Memorial Day is a day to honor those who gave their lives while serving in the US military. Even among those who understand the purpose of the day, how many actually do anything at all today that can be interpreted as remembering or honoring those that died? And no, enjoying the freedoms they died to protect does not count. You are not honoring your grandfather who died at Pearl Harbor by being drunk in the kiddie pool by 2 PM.

So what is the connection to Bruce’s tune? Much like how many have turned Memorial Day in a jingoistic celebration of America’s foreign policy, many of those same people would tell you that Born In The USA is a rah-rah pro America tune. Reagan’s campaign staff made that mistake in 1984 when the song was on the charts. It is an easy mistake to make, and that mistake is the real genius of the song. It was originally written during the sessions for the Nebraska album, which is a very dark and somber look at America at a time when many questioned if its best days are behind it. Born in the USA didn’t make it onto that album, but when Bruce started to play with it again for the next album, the song jelled around a very bombastic riff and sing along chorus that on the surface, definitely sounds rah-rah America.

However, much like how we mistake the car and furniture sales and backyard bbqs as the point of Memorial Day, not looking beyond the first impression causes us to miss what is going on with Born in The USA. The song is about the hopelessness and despair experienced by a Vietnam Vet who saw his friends and family die in a war that was ultimately meaningless, and then comes home to a USA with a crumbling infrastructure, high unemployment and interest rates, and a general lack of enthusiasm for taking care of the Vets it sent to suffer in Vietnam.

That song isn’t celebrating anything, and really Memorial Day shouldn’t be a celebration either. There may be honor in dieing for your country, but it’s something we should hope for less of in the future, not something we should celebrate with a party.

Born down in a dead man’s town.
The first kick I took was when I hit the ground.
You end up like a dog that’s been beat too much.
Till you spend half your life just covering up.

Born in the U.S.A.
I was born in the U.S.A.
I was born in the U.S.A.
Born in the U.S.A.

Got in a little hometown jam.
So they put a rifle in my hand.
Sent me off to a foreign land.
To go and kill the yellow man.

Born in the U.S.A.
I was born in the U.S.A.
I was born in the U.S.A.
I was born in the U.S.A.
Born in the U.S.A.

Come back home to the refinery.
Hiring man says “Son if it was up to me.”
Went down to see my V.A. man.
He said “Son, don’t you understand.”

I had a brother at Khe Sahn fighting off the Viet Cong.
They’re still there, he’s all gone.

He had a woman he loved in Saigon.
I got a picture of him in her arms now.

Down in the shadow of the penitentiary.
Out by the gas fires of the refinery.
I’m ten years burning down the road.
Nowhere to run ain’t got nowhere to go.

Born in the U.S.A.
I was born in the U.S.A.
Born in the U.S.A.
I’m a long gone Daddy in the U.S.A.
Born in the U.S.A.
Born in the U.S.A.
Born in the U.S.A.
I’m a cool rocking Daddy in the U.S.A.

Side note: The mistreatment of Vietnam Veterans has been overplayed in the press. Not that they weren’t mistreated; they were. However we’ve been screwing over our Veterans in America since Cornwallis surrendered at Yorktown. Vietnam era Vets weren’t singled out for worse treatment. Maybe it was the contrast to the WWII hero’s welcome that their fathers received that made it seem that much worse. I’m not really sure, but there is little to no evidence that Americans in general were more hostile to Vietnam Vets than they were after any other war.

Baseball has been one of my passions since I was about 5 or 6 years old. I clearly remember anxiously awaiting my Dad to bring home the Stars and Stripes from the base in Spain so that I could read the box scores and keep up with the Red Sox. My father, and his father, are from Boston. I was born a Red Sox fan. I remember the agony of 1975, Bucky Fucking Dent, Bill Buckner, Aaron Fucking Boone, and of course the pure, unadulterated joy that was the 2004 post-season. I still have 5000+ baseball cards from about 1975 through about 1982 in boxes in my closet. Until this season, I re-watched Keeping The Faith every Spring just prior to Opening Day. I cried as I watched it every Spring, just to prior to Opening Day. I never got around to my annual re-watch this year because I was too busy obsessively keeping up with the English Premier League, but we will get to that in a minute.

Although never an obsession, my interest in the NFL has been waning over the last several years too. I’ve been thinking a lot about why that is. What could have changed that caused a 48 year old dude to suddenly become a passionate EPL fan while drifting away from the two sports that he grew up with? I think several things are at play here, some external to me, and one issue that is all about me.

The problems with MLB and NFL have been well documented so I probably don’t need to rehash them here. There is a lot going on with the major professional sports to cause a thinking person to lose interest. However, I want to focus on the personal side of this, what happened to me to cause me to drift from my one true sports love.

I think it all goes back to 2004. I grew up a passionate Red Sox fan through the 70s and 80s, and continued on as an adult through the 90s. Even with 2 outs in the bottom of the 9th and Foulke on the mound in Saint Louis 1 out away from a World Series sweep, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, because the other shoe always dropped on the Red Sox. Of course it didn’t that year, and that changed everything. A few years later the Red Sox were up against Colorado and I wasn’t even worried. I was totally relaxed through the World Series, not that the Rockies ever seriously threatened.

My love affair with the Patriots is similar. They were pretty much the laughing stock of the NFL when I was a kid. While all my friends in junior high had their Cowboys and Steelers logo jackets from Sears (remember those?) I had a Patriots jacket. I took a lot of abuse for that jacket, but it never occurred to me to jump on a bandwagon and follow a popular or winning team. It took character to stick with the Red Sox and Patriots back then. I was proud of that character, and in a way I was a character in the story of the ever suffering Boston sports fan. Let’s face it, the Patriots are the bad guys today. They win, the push the envelope on the rules, and their coach is kind of a dick.

And that, I think, is the crux of the change. It doesn’t take character to be a Red Sox or Patriots fan these days. Hell, we’ve become the very thing we used to hate; the big money, well run teams that are always in the running. (Ignore the last two years for the Red Sox). The story of the Red Sox and Patriots that I loved ran its course. That book is completed. It’s on the shelf. I can pick it up and remember it fondly as I thumb through the pages, but I never experience the joy of reading it for the first time again. The story of those teams now is the story of big money well run franchises. Where is the fun in that?

I’m always the first person up on Saturday morning, when soccer is on here in the US. At first it was just background noise while I messed around online, read, or whatever in those quiet hours I had to myself on Saturday mornings. However over the course of last fall I found myself watching with more and more interest, starting to understand and appreciate the game of soccer. Then I started looking forward to Saturday and Sunday mornings, so I could drink tea and watch soccer. After a while I started thinking about finding a favorite team. I did some research and immediately ruled out the big money teams that always win, so no Chelsea, Arsenal, Manchester United or Manchester City. I thought I would be a Liverpool fan because of the Red Sox connection, but actually that seemed to turn me off. I decided to just relax and try to watch every team and see what happened. What happened is that I started seeking out the Southampton Saints each week. So I did some research on their background.

Their story is that as a smaller city on the South Coast of England they will never have the money of the London based teams, so they put together one of the premier youth development programs to make their own talent. They went bankrupt a few years back and got bounced all the way down to League 1. New management put a 5 year plan in place to get back to the Premier League, they did it in 3. Now after 4 straight years in the EPL, they’ve finished higher every season, this year finishing 6th, only 3 point from a Champions League slot. It’s a team that lives on the edge, having to sell off players before they get too expensive and reinvest in younger players. They are basically the Tampa Bay Rays of EPL, and I fell for them hard.

And that is when I made the connection between the Red Sox, Patriots, Saints, and Purdue. I’m a tortured sports fan. Sure, tribalism and regional pride play a role in the teams we choose to love, but for me it’s the story arc. Apparently I like tragedies, and the Red Sox and Patriots are no longer tragedies. Getting to know some Southampton fans on Twitter it feels like the comments section at Soxaholix pre-2004. Sure they are having a great year, wonder how they’ll screw it up? We had a great season, wonder who they will trade away in the off-season? It all sounds very familiar. It sounds like home, metaphorically speaking, in a sports sense.

So what happens if Southampton pulls a Leister and wins it all next year? Well, we all know that won’t happen, and even if it does I’ll always have Purdue. They can always be counted on to break my heart.

Note: I have not abandoned the Red Sox. I have my MLB.TV subscription and I’m quite enjoying this season, with Ortiz retiring and two minimum wagers in Holt and Travis in the starting lineup. But then, the Ortiz retiring story is kind of a tragedy, right? But it’s not the same. The passion is gone. I don’t expect it to ever come back.

I’ve survived another M3 Rock Festival. This year I skipped Friday because the line up didn’t seem to be worth the effort of getting up there in Friday traffic. Based on the Facebook comments about Vince Neil’s performance, I probably made the right call.

The Friday lineup.

• Kix
• Vince Neil (using Slaughter’s band)
• Lynch Mob
• Britny Fox
• Enuff Z Nuff
• Gabbie Rae
• 86 Bullets

We made it to the pre-show tailgate party at about 10:30 AM on Saturday. The grills were grilling and the drinks were already flowing.

This cool and crazy group of folks that appreciate the music have formed around a Facebook group and we meetup at whatever shows we are attending, with M3 being the high holy days of 80s rock. We missed the first three sets because I was more interested in beer and food at 11 AM than music. So we didn’t see Every Mother’s Nightmare, Heaven’s Edge, or Faster Pussycat.

So the first band we heard was Steelheart. I remember their name from back in the day, but they were never one of my favorites. They sounded good though, and the performance vibe was of a band happy to be playing, so yay Steelheart.

Adler was up next. They played one Adler tune, which sounded like something Marilyn Manson would have recorded, and 5 off of Appetite for Destruction. Adler has had his challenges with addiction so that the fact he is playing music for money in 2016 is a success in a lot of ways. It just sounded like a very competent hard rock band covering GnR. There was nothing wrong with any of it, but not particularly noteworthy either.

Next up was Firehouse. I was never a Firehouse fan back in the day, but damn those guys come to play. I’ve seen them twice now at M3 and both times they killed it. So props to Firehouse for still playing like it’s 1987.

In the worst scheduling decision of the night, Y&T got a short 1:30 PM set. Seriously? Who made that decision? They of course sounded fantastic and acted like they were headlining a major arena, which is exactly what you want out of a band you are paying to see. I need to see them do a proper headlining show before they call it a career.

Next up was Quiet Riot. I still think they should be touring as something other than just “Quiet Riot” but there is no criticizing the performance. They were tight.

Following QR was Stephen Pearcy. I would have rather seen a Ratt tribute band. They at least would have appreciated the audience. Pearcy seemed to radiate a complete lack of interest in what he was doing, and almost some self-loathing that his career has come to this – playing the songs he wrote in the early 80s. His set list was 100% off of Out Of The Cellar. I saw Ratt headline a small club in 1998, and he wasn’t good then either. So I guess I can’t ignore the possibility that he was like that in 1986, at their peak.

FWIW, Out Of The Cellar is a fabulous record and an achievement 99% of all musicians will never reach. If that is his legacy he has nothing to be ashamed of.

Slaughter was up next. Slaughter’s band was awesome. His drummer Zolton Chaney is a maniac. Slaugher’s vocals were way off though. I don’t know of it was the sound man or him, but a lot of the set just sounded like somebody screeching over a kick ass rhythm section.

Now we get into the final four of the night.

Night Ranger was first. Night Ranger was my first show way back in 1984, and they are still a fantastic live band. Even though the must have more than enough cash to retire and take it easy, they play like they still have something to prove. I hope they have a headlining show nearby this summer as I would love to hear them do their full set.

Tom Keifer was up next, and IMHO he won the night. I’ve seen him 3 times in the last year and I thought he was on in every way possible tonight. He hit some screams I haven’t heard since Cinderella, and he did Purple Rain to honor Prince. Now he needs to get a new album out!

Queensryche was the first headliner to play. What is there to say? They had the most involved stage show, with coordinated video for the entire set. It did seem to me that Todd wasn’t quite hitting the high notes like he usually does. He seemed to be holding back a bit – maybe due to the damn chilly weather, or maybe he is fighting a cold or something. Of course, Queensryche on an off night is still very, very good, and the set rocked. They pulled out Screaming in Digital for the encore, a song I’d never seen live before.

Tesla closed down the show. There is some chatter among friends that were there last night that Tesla seemed off. I didn’t notice it, but by then I had been standing on concrete in damp chilly weather for 10+ hours, I was tired, and I was starting to think about the bed at the hotel. So I wasn’t paying close attention. By off, what I mean is some hardcore Tesla fans perceived a lack of interaction among the band, and a general vibe of them not being super happy to be there. Anybody can have an off night, so who knows? Maybe they were fighting with the promoter over money 10 minutes before they went on. Hopefully all is fine because we need more new music from Tesla.

So a general success, but I feel like M3 needs to shake it up a bit. Kix headlining every Friday night, Tesla headlining 2 of the last 3 years, it’s all getting a bit predictable. I could see not being super excited to go next year just on the merits of the show. Now if some far flung 80s metal friends want to make a weekend of it, I’m all in. Roger? Tim? James?

via Flickr

My buddy Hart Brachen just came back to daily writing after taking a year off from the Internet. Of course, he was returning from the award winning cartoon blog Soxaholix. I don’t have quite that kind of track record. However, I have written at least weekly more or less on average since 2001, until this year. As I type this I’ve got one blog post up in 2016. Kind of sad, eh?

Hart’s return has sort of motivated me though. I am writing this blog post after all! I am feeling the itch to start creating again. My media consumption to media creation ratio is way off this year. The challenge I’m having is deciding what to write about. The stuff this blog has generally been about just isn’t scratching the itch.

Homeschooling: I’m done – over it. One kid graduating from college in a couple of weeks, another killing it as a sophomore. I’m a retired homeschool activist, and nobody wants to hear me yelling at the young homeschooling parents to get off my lawn.

Sports: Well, my one blog post this year is about soccer. Mostly though, with so much sports content on the Internet, I don’t really have that much to add. I think I’m lacking the passion needed to really write about sports. My relationship with the Red Sox has settled into a comfortable middle-age marriage where neither side is ever surprised anymore. I’ve grown bored with the NFL and barely pay attention. I’m in an abusive relationship with Purdue Sports, but that schtick is done much better elsewhere on the Internet. The only team I’m really fired up about these days is the Southampton Saints, but the goofy American learning soccer blog idea just doesn’t sound like it has legs.

Politics: My son writes about it on Facebook, so I don’t have to.

Music: Does the Internet need another 80s music blog? I will say though that you should totally check out The Defiants. It’s the most 80s thing you’ll hear all week, and I mean that as an extreme compliment.

Technology: It’s my job, so writing it about over a beer in the evenings doesn’t get me excited either.

It’s not just writing either. With two adult kids my picture taking is down to selfies when I’m out with my wife, or odd stuff I may see on my commute. I doubt I have 50 photos in the 2016 photo folder.

So how do I get my creative mojo back? Waiting for inspiration isn’t working, it probably never does. Do I just start writing regularly again, and hope that over time the quality follows? I do think there is something to the idea that if you want to be a writer, or photographer, or web designer, or whatever, you need to just do on a regular basis, and that the inspiration will follow.

Back in the day I had ideas and opinions, and damn it, I was going to share them. Today, I’m much more meh about, well, everything. What I haven’t figured out is if that is just aging, or not writing leads to not caring. If I start writing again, will I start caring again?

I guess there is only one way to find out.